A mixture of confusion, emptiness and betrayal is what I feel. I was betrayed by two close people in my life. They did something I can never forgive. It wasn’t because they don’t love me. People do stupid things. I know this because we all do. We are all flawed in our own way and no relationship is perfect. But that doesn’t justify a person cheating, lying, or partaking in any kind of wrongful actions. For those who have been hurt, know it wasn’t you’re fault. These awful things happen to us for a reason. Think of it as a blessing in disguise. Perhaps a new cycle is emerging in one’s life. Maybe, untold truths had to be exposed for a new window to open. It’s hard for us to let go of the people we love because we think we need them in our lives. But, you don’t need love to survive. You shouldn’t have to depend on others for happiness. It’s only you. If love comes your way, let it. If love breaks you, don’t fight it. Life is impermanent, and we are always evolving. Let things happen naturally. Don’t force relationships, just let it be.
When the people we love hurt us it stings deeper than we could ever imagine. With all the distractions laid out in front of us, we imagine and over-think more than we should. We dream. We have nightmares. We think about all the worst and best possibilities. And we always hope that our worst nightmare never comes true. But if and when they do, we never expect them to come from the people we love. It’s an unbearable feeling one cannot scratch off. I certainly feel destroyed.
I felt left behind by the world. Like I was pushed out of a moving car, going 100mph. Leaving me in the middle of an empty road, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Betrayal leaves you in a state of eternal confusion. Even though you know it isn’t you’re fault, a part of you might feel like it is. The only one to blame are the people who broke you. But because you loved them a part of you will feel like you did something wrong.
They did something I will never understand, something that was stolen from me. Something that I will be forced to live with. Every time they cross my mind I will feel a thousand thorns stabbing my heart. And it will feel like I want to die. But I know that I will be okay. That is what happens when people do selfish things. In the moment, they only care about what they want, no matter who might get hurt at the end. This will always have me wondering and questioning myself.
Understand that your actions will always impact those around you. I know that people make mistakes and none of us are perfect. But sometimes, one mistake can cost you everything. Is it really that worth it? You shouldn’t have to destroy what you love, to realize what you’ve lost. Appreciate your loved ones. If you are unhappy in any relationship, communicate or end it rather than betray them in the worst way. Nobody deserves to suffer from someone else’s actions. It should never be that way. There is always a price to pay. People rarely get away with secrets. So, rather than running, hiding or pretending like something didn’t happen, take fucking responsibility for your actions.
